Out of the Darkness: A mother discusses her son’s suicide - KSLA News 12 Shreveport, Louisiana News Weather & Sports

Out of the Darkness: A mother discusses her son’s suicide

(Source: Lisa Nix) (Source: Lisa Nix)

On her son’s birthday, Lisa Nix, reflected on her son’s life and his suicide that happened over a year ago.

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Lisa said that her own life has been a struggle since James’s death, who would have been 36-years-old. On Saturday morning, Lisa along with others will walk at Benton High School for her son's memory. The walk will begin at 8 a.m. and registration/check-in begins at 7 a.m.

“There was no note,” she said. “We don’t really ever have closure on that.”

James was Lisa’s little baseball player, his team won the state championship when he was nine and 10-years old. James grew into a standout teenage athlete, playing for Airline High School for four years.

“We just had a mother-son bond,” Lisa said. “He was my world.”

During James’s early to mid-20s he started showing signs of depression. A childhood friend committed suicide and another died in a car crash while James was away at school in South Louisiana.

Lisa could tell he was depressed because of that. Then, he was diagnosed with ADHD and eventually bipolar disorder. She tried talking to James during the last days of his life, which is really hard for Lisa to talk about.

“I said ‘I need you too much,” she recalled. “You are my heart, my only child. And he said, ‘No Mom, I’m not going to do that. He promised me he wasn’t having those thoughts.”

"So that was devastating because I kept thinking, 'You promised. You promised. You promised.'"

For the next several months, she's dealt with denial and anger and has dreams of her son as if he was alive.

"Take me, bring him back," Lisa said. "You want him back so bad, you bargain with God."

She said she knew that he wouldn't want her to take that same path.

"I just wanted the suffering to end," Lisa said. "The thought of the possibility of the future, living the rest of your life without your child... takes your breath away."

Fifteen months later, she's back at her job as the principal of Waller Elementary School in Bossier. As a principal, she's in charge of 500 students and the school's faculty. Which has helped her — along with her family and friends — get her life back together.

"I always thought I was a strong person," Lisa said. "But this will bring anyone to their knees."

One of many scriptures that helps Lisa get through her day is Joshua chapter 1, verse 9.

Be strong and courageous and do not be afraid or troubled. The Lord is with you wherever you go.

"The strong and courageous is what I'm working on," Lisa said. "It's been a tough journey. Don't be afraid or troubled. Lord your God is with you and I do know what."

For more information on tomorrow's Out of the Darkness walk, click here

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